Experiencing Technical Difficulties

Ok so my computer at home has been down for about a week and a half...maybe more. But now I am up and running again, so I will hopefully be posting quite a bit in the next few days. So stay tuned.

Meet the Fockers (Movie Review)

Ben Stiller and Robert De Niro star in this sequel to “Meet the Parents”. This time around, Greg Focker (played by Stiller) and his fiancée Pam Byrnes (played by Teri Polo) take her parents to meet Greg’s family for the first time. The Fockers, portrayed by Dustin Hoffman and Barbara Streisand, are quite different from Pam’s parents. Mrs. Focker teaches “sex improvement” classes to senior citizens and Mr. Focker does weird tae bo stuff in the front yard…when he’s not trying to hump Greg’s mom. Oh yeah…and he openly makes fun of the CIA, which obviously does not go over well with Greg’s future father in law (and former CIA agent). This is pretty much the premise for the entire movie…the uptight Byrnes clan vs. the hippie, free love Fockers…plus a lot of slapstick humor.

The film is not nearly as funny as the first movie. In fact, I was kind of disappointed….but not completely surprised, because I am not a fan of Streisand or Hoffman. There were a few parts that were laugh-out-loud funny, especially scenes involving the Byrnes grandchild, but overall the movie just seemed to drag. All of the elements were there to make it a funny movie, but it just didn’t work. It was almost like the writers and actors were trying too hard. But it has been a huge hit, so I’m sure we can look forward to “Merry Christmas, You Focker” or something like that. In the meantime, I recommend you see a cheap matinee showing of it or just wait for it to come out on DVD.

Emergency Broadcast Sys...Huh?

The other day I was riding in the car when suddenly the radio started blaring the familiar, loud horns and whistles of the Emergency Broadcast System (EBS). I figured, “great, how many times a day do they have to do this test.” But much to my surprise it was not a test! It was an actual emergency! I do not mean to make light of this entire situation but this was a very exciting time for me…all these years of loud, annoying tests, and now…FINALLY, the big payoff. I finally get to hear the Emergency Broadcast System operate in all of its glory. “Save me Emergency Broadcast System! Save me!”

Yeah, right.

Let me tell you something folks…we are in real trouble. The EBS notification was actually an “Amber Alert”, which basically means a child has been kidnapped and that everyone needs to be on the lookout for the car containing the child. I felt very bad for the kid, because there was NO way that any person hearing the EBS alert could possibly understand what was going on. The message that played after all the loud horns and whistles was the most unclear, unintelligible, garbled bunch of crap you’ve ever heard…and by the way…someone’s life depended on this broadcast. The message was a computerized voice supplying information about the car and girl…I think. I had to hear it three times just to comprehend that the vehicle was from 1995 and green.

The computer sounded like it was probably one of the first five ever manufactured…I mean this thing was rockin’ it 70s style. It also sounded like it was broadcasting from the bottom of a well…low volume with LOTS of static. I mean is this really the best we can do? What if there was a major emergency where hundreds of thousands of people needed to be evacuated? No one would have any idea of what to do.

I can call FedEx 24 hours a day and place a shipping order with an automated system that sounds just like you are speaking to a real, live person…yet, the Emergency Broadcast System…which is designed to save lives by delivering important information to the public, can’t even get an intelligible message across. And by the way…why not just have a real, live human being make the recording and then broadcast it? Or better yet…just tell a couple of people and tell them to “pass it on.” It would still reach people faster than the current Emergency Broadcast System…plus it would be a LOT quieter.

Fat Albert (Movie Review)

Ok this is one of those movies that I went to see just because I felt like seeing a movie and...well I'd already seen everything else. There are no real stars in it, except for a surprise cameo by a big name star that shall remain nameless, just in case you have not seen the previews. The good thing about this movie is that it is exactly what I expected it would be…but that is also the bad thing about this movie. It is a lighthearted, “feel good” comedy that isn’t really funny, but it is fun to watch, especially if you are a fan of the Fat Albert cartoons created by Bill Cosby. It is kind of cool to see these characters come to life.

The premise of the film is that a teenage girl here in “reality” is in need of help. You see, she is lonely and doesn’t have any friends. So, Fat Albert and the Junkyard Gang jump out of the television set and into her living room. Their mission: help this young lady become popular…because life just isn’t worth living if you’re not popular…right? Well Fat Albert and his chums are used to 1970s cartoon land, not 21st century reality. Therefore, the bulk of the movie consists of the fellas encountering all sorts of people and places (like the mall!!) that are shocking to their cartoon system. All of these situations are mildly entertaining, but not hilarious.

I spent a great deal of this movie with a smile on my face…because it is “just plain fun” to watch. Maybe it was just nice to see a movie without any cursing or violence (although I’m a big fan of both) in it for once. The soundtrack is cool and any movie with a character named “Mushmouth” can’t be all that bad. But am I glad that I spent $8.50 on this movie? No…I’m not. But it’s still worth checking out…once it comes out on DVD.

Ray (Movie Review)

Jamie Foxx plays R&B/soul legend Ray Charles in this movie about the early years of his career. We follow Charles as he progresses from playing piano in smoky, rundown bars to performing center stage at some of the largest venues in the country. No stone is left unturned as the audience sees Charles’s shortcomings (heroin addiction and philanderer) as well as his strengths (he refused to play in his home state of Georgia due to the segregation of clubs that booked him). We see that he was a savvy businessman in that he requested, and received, the rights to his own music. Through a series of flashbacks the audience is shown the cause of his blindness, the influential strength of his mother and the drowning death of his brother that haunted him his entire life.

This movie is a good biographical depiction of Ray Charles’s life. Jamie Foxx gives an incredible performance that at times makes you feel like you are watching an A & E Biography instead of an actor playing a role. Is this really the same guy from "In Living Color"? At times the movie seems to drag, but the music is really great. If only they had covered the making of that Diet Pepsi commercial he used to be in, then the movie would have been complete. "You got the right one baby, Uh-huh!" Anyway, check it out at your local 2nd run theater or when it comes to DVD.

Major League Baseball Locker Room Story

Ok...I'm warning you that this story is a little politically incorrect, for those of you that are extra sensitive.

Back in the 80s and early 90s there was a baseball player named Jack Morris. These were the days when women reporters were first being allowed into team locker rooms. Well good ol' Jack was not a fan of this policy at all. One day he let his feelings out on the topic, "The only time I want to talk to a woman when I'm naked is if I'm on top of her or she's on top of me."

Well, at least he's honest.

Ocean's Twelve (Movie Review)

This sequel to the mega hit Ocean’s Eleven once again stars George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Don Cheadle, Julia Roberts and the rest of the crew from the previous film. This time Catherine Zeta-Jones has been added to the cast because apparently the producers felt that there was not quite enough star power in the movie to get anyone to come see it.

The general premise of this film is that casino owner Terry Benedict, played by Andy Garcia, is still quite upset that Clooney, Pitt and Co. robbed him of well over $100 million (see Ocean’s Eleven…it covers that stuff). He has tracked down each and every member of the crew and is demanding his money back…plus interest. So now the old gang must reunite for one last heist…to pay back all the money they stole last time. I’d give you a few more plot details, but there really aren’t any more. The real plot of this movie is “sit and watch a bunch of big stars talk to each other and exchange witty (sometimes) remarks.” The big problem with “Ocean’s Twelve” is that there is no payoff. It is a fun movie to watch but there is no excitement, no big buildup towards a big finale. I kept waiting for something big to happen…but it never did. The fun in “Ocean’s Eleven” was that the audience was allowed to see the planning of the heist and then eventually how all of the puzzle pieces fit together. However, in “Ocean’s Twelve”, not only do we not get to see a completed puzzle, we never even get to see what the pieces look like.

Ocean’s Twelve is not a bad movie; in fact at times it is quite enjoyable. It was just disappointing because I was expecting so much more. The promotional tagline for Ocean’s Twelve is “twelve is the new eleven”, unfortunately I would have preferred that it was “twelve is the old eleven.”

Christmas with the Kranks (Movie Review)

Sorry for the delay with this movie review...I saw it a long time ago...but here goes. Christmas with the Kranks starring Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis is based on John Grisham’s bestselling book “Skipping Christmas.” (which by the way would have been a much better title for this movie)

Allen and Curtis play Mr. and Mrs. Krank, a couple which decides to cancel Christmas when their college-aged daughter decides not to come home for the holidays. The Kranks think that this is the perfect opportunity to take all of the money they usually spend on gifts, decorations and parties and instead take a cruise to an exotic location. Well, their neighbors and friends are not at all pleased with this decision. They use any and all tactics necessary to get the Kranks involved with Christmas…even volunteering to decorate their home for them. But the Kranks remain strong and refuse to get drawn into any Christmas activities whatsoever. Instead, they focus on packing and visiting tanning beds…and hiding out from the neighbors.

However, all their plans change when their daughter changes her mind and decides to come home for Christmas…AND she is bringing her foreign boyfriend with her. She has told him all about her family’s Christmas traditions and can not wait to share them with him…and oh by the way…her plane will be landing in a few short hours. Bye-bye cruise, hello Christmas. The remainder of the film focuses on the Kranks and their neighbors working together to decorate the house and plan a Christmas party for that night.

The first twenty minutes of this movie led me to believe it may be one of the worst Christmas movies of all-time. But it did improve, and actually had some funny parts in it…and of course a few of the required “heartwarming Christmas moments.” Unfortunately, a lot of the comedy was of the “slapstick” variety. There is good slapstick, and there is bad slapstick…and trust me this movie had bad slapstick. Part of the problem is that they tried to make a funny movie out of a book that wasn’t that funny in the first place. It is not a horrible movie but you should probably just wait until it comes out on DVD or cable to see it…which you will probably have to do anyway since my review is so late.

Holiday Crime Scenes

There are two interesting things about all of these inflatable snowmen and Santa Clauses that are in thousands of front yards this holiday season. 1)It is a top indicator that the household is a voting member of White Trash America (WTA) 2) When the compressors are turned off and the holiday icons are deflated, it resembles a Holiday murder scene. I feel like I'm seeing hundreds of dead snowmen and Santas as I drive around town. I'm half expecting to see chalk outlines surrounding them and yards roped off with bright red and green "crime scene" tape.

I think all of these people could be on to something...maybe the next C.S.I show can be called C.S.I. North Pole. Think all of the possibilities with mischievous elves constructing murder weapons in Santa's Toy Shop, reindeer games gone awry and the well publicized jealous rages of a lady known as "Mrs. Claus." Think about it...it could be quite interesting.

Happy New Year