Where have you gone Harrison Ford?

The Star Wars Trilogy is being released on DVD this week and has been getting quite a bit of publicity. Some of the press has included interviews with several of the stars, including a Mr. Harrison Ford. Watching interviews with him has reminded me of how disappointed I am in what has become of him.

When I was a kid he was the guy that every boy wanted to be. He was Han Solo and Indiana Jones...which made him more god-like than any other person on the planet. As time went on, he was still the biggest hero in movies as he starred in such films as Patriot Games, Clear and Present Danger, The Fugitive and Air Force One. If Harrison Ford was in a movie you knew it was going to be great. But then a not so funny thing happened...he started making movies that really sucked.

His downfall officially started with a movie called "Random Hearts." I will go on record to say that it may be one of the worst/most pointless movies of all time. Still, I was willing to give him another chance...I mean he is (was) Harrison Ford. But then the bottom completely dropped out. He made forgettable movies such as K-19 and Hollywood Homicide. Then to top it off...at age 60, he got his ear pierced and became a complete joke. Perhaps he should take lessons from Clint Eastwood, or even Sean Connery, who is bald and in his 70s, yet still manages to pull off being cool and heroic.

What happened Harrison? What happened? Its not too late...put away the earring, stop making goofy comedies and love stories...make another Indiana Jones movie. We know (hope) you have it in you. Be the guy we all worshiped not the guy we point at and laugh.

I decided to write a song about Harrison Ford. You should sing it to yourself (preferably really loud) using the music from Simon & Garfunkel's "Mrs. Robinson."

Here’s to you Mr. Harrison
Yoda loves you more than you will know (whoa, woa, woa)
God will you please Mr. Harrison
Stop making movies that are really gay (hey, hey, hey…hey, hey, hey)

I don’t know what happened
You used to be so cool
But now with that fruity earring
You look like such a fool

Here’s to you Mr. Harrison
Yoda loves you more than you will know (whoa, woa, woa)
God will you please Mr. Harrison
Stop making movies that are really gay (hey, hey, hey…hey, hey, hey)

You were the adventurer Indiana Jones
Whose next movie could not come too soon
A hero to all of us and for all times
But now your career is a Temple of Doom

Coo, coo, ca-choo Mr. Harrison
Yoda loves you more than you will know (whoa, woa, woa)
God will you please Mr. Harrison
Stop making movies that are really gay (hey, hey, hey…hey, hey, hey)

As a Fugitive we prayed for you to save the day
The one-armed man didn’t do it
You are the one that screwed it
All up and threw your career away (hey, hey, hey)

Where have you gone, Han Solo
A galaxy turns its lonely eyes to you (woo, woo, woo)
What’s that you say, Mr. Harrison
The scoundrel has packed up his wookie and gone away (hey, hey, hey…hey, hey, hey)

Mr. 3000 (Movie Review)

Bernie Mac plays Stan, a self-absorbed, retired baseball player. There are some other people in the movie...but they don't really count.

Anyway, in his younger days Stan got his 3,000th career hit and abruptly retired...in the middle of the season. Now he calls himself "Mr. 3000" and owns several bars and stores, all of which are named "3000 Beers", "3000 Haircuts", etc. As you can see, having 3000 hits is very important to Stan. His dream is to be elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame. However, Stan was so hated by the media during his playing days that he has yet to receive enough votes for election. It is then revealed (exciting plot twist ahead!) that he actually only has 2,997 career hits! So, obviously Stan comes out of retirement (at age 47) to try to get 3 more hits and restore his nickname and pride. I mean a guy can't go through life being called Mr. 2997 can he? Along the way he learns valuable life lessons (such as "Stan, listen to the sausage") and teaches his younger teammates a few things about baseball and the "game of life."

This movie is supposed to be a comedy but I only remember laughing a couple of times. I was too distracted by the "ballplayers" who looked like they may never have played any sport, at any time in their past. These actors were definitely the last ones picked for teams in P.E. I do not recommend that you see this movie, especially if you are a huge baseball fan (like me). It is mildly entertaining but you should just wait until it comes to your local video store (probably pretty soon).

My Favorite Reality Shows

Three significant things happened in my life last week:
1) Absolutely nothing 2) Ryan posted about "The Surreal Life" 3) I watched a lot of Reality TV. So since I have nothing better to do (and because people are complaining about my lack of posts), I have decided to list my 10 favorite reality TV shows. Here goes:
10) The Simple Life
Two words: Paris Hilton
9) The Restaurant
I've only seen a few episodes of this show but it was fun to watch. See Rocco get fat, see Rocco fire the chef and name himself chef, see Rocco flip-out and start making pizzas for everyone (in a fine dining establishment). Oh yeah...and the restaurant repeatedly catches on fire.
8) Road Rules VS. Real World Challenge
You get to watch all the annoying former cast members of Real World & Road Rules (none of which have real jobs...still) cry, bitch, moan, hook-up, cry, argue, fight, cry while performing stunts and playing games in some exotic location.
7) ESPN Dream Job
Contestants put their sports knowledge and on-camera abilities to the test as they compete for a job as an ESPN Sportscenter anchor. Sometimes I'm a dork...deal with it.
6) American Idol
The best part of this show BY FAR is the auditions...the bad ones. Simon Cowell is hilarious as he makes fun of people and basically ruins their lives. Once the show becomes serious (only good performers remain) it is not nearly as much fun to watch. By the way...does anyone try harder than Randy Jackson to be cool? Dawg!
5) Newlyweds
Yeah, Jessica Simpson is pretty hot, but the biggest surprise is how "normal" Nick Lachey is. I could watch this show all day long...but I'm not sure why...its just funny.
4) The Amazing Race
If I had seen more than 6 episodes I have a feeling this might be my favorite reality show. You should really check it out. At least 2-3 different countries are visited in every episode, you get to hear boyfriends and girlfriends tell each other to shut the f*** up and this year there was even a midget! Its basically a real life board game that takes place all over the world. Great Stuff.
3) Fear Factor
I never, ever miss this show. The closer the contestants come to puking, the happier I am. Some of the stunts are really cool too. Although, sometimes I get the feeling that some of the contestants have never seen the show before. "Water?!? I'm afraid of water...I can't swim!" or "That is so gross!! I hate bugs!." Uh hello, that's what this show is all about, thanks for paying attention.
2) The Apprentice
I love this show but it scares me that some of these people actually run companies when they are not on "The Apprentice." There are interesting goals/tasks every week and there are plenty of people available to hate (which always makes for good TV).
1) Survivor
Definitely the best reality show. Every episode is interesting and there are plenty of people to root for and against. Every year I swear I will never watch it again because I get sooo mad at how stupid (and gullible) some of the people on the show are. But every season I'm right back watching again.

**Sorry Ryan, but once Brigitte Nielson and Flavor Flav hooked up I was so sickened that I could barely open my eyes again, let alone watch "The Surreal Life."

I, Robot (Movie Review)

I go to the movies quite often, so I figure I will post my reviews of movies that I see. Tonight I saw "I, Robot" at Cinema Cafe. It stars Will Smith and Bridget Moynahan (I spent the whole movie trying to figure out what other movie I had seen her in...the answer is "The Recruit"). The movie was pretty entertaining. It takes place in the future (oooooh) in the year 2035. It has the standard sci-fi plot of robots/machines gaining intelligence and attempting to take over the world. As a human, I really appreciate people like Arnold Schwarzenegger, Keanu Reeves and Will Smith taking time out to save the human race. In the real world, Arnold would definitely be my pick to save mankind. I just don't think The Fresh Prince is up to the challenge of preserving the human race...especially since he will become demoralized after DJ Jazzy Jeff is inevitably killed during the first 30 seconds of the robot attacks.

Anyway, the movie has lots of action and cool special effects. The robots are especially fun to watch. There is a great amount of dialogue, scenery and ideas stolen from other movies. But at least they "borrowed" from good movies...so it works. I recommend you see the movie, although I am glad I waited to see it at Cinema Cafe rather than pay $8.50 at the regular movie theater. I will try to come up with some cool way of recommending (or not) the films I review...i.e. "thumbs up." Let me know if you have any ideas.

One final question: In the "future" why do all of the buildings look brand new (and white)? In the future do we tear down buildings and rebuild them again every couple of years to take advantage of cool, new elevators and doors? I just kinda figured that in the future (2035) we would have a bunch of really old buildings, not new shiny ones.

Welcome to my world

This is my first post. I'm still learning how to do everything, so just RELAX...give me a break...I'll figure it all out soon enough. And if I can't, I'll just call my friend/computer guru Ryan & get him to explain it to me.