Friday Night Lights (Movie Review)

Based on a true story, Friday Night Lights follows the trials and tribulations of a Texas high school football team in 1988. As we have learned in several movies, most notably "Varsity Blues," the good folks of Texas are down right crazy about their football. Our insider's view is taken to a new level as we see the pressures placed on teenage boys by their coaches, families and the entire town. To these adults, winning...at any cost...is the only thing that matters. Billy Bob Thornton is quite believable as the head coach. I'm not a big fan of Billy Bob--in fact I almost didn't go see this movie because he was in it...but I'm glad I did because this is one of the best "sports" movies in recent years.

I will hesitate to say that this is the "most realistic" football movie ever made...for one simple reason...I never played high school football. It cracks me up to watch all of these movie critics who have spent their lives passing the buffet line, not a football, talk about "how realistic" this movie is.

However, this movie definitely succeeds in making you feel like you are on the sidelines watching the game. The tackles and hard-hitting action along with all the coaching strategy and trash talking are captivating to observe. There are several players that are focused on throughout the movie, but their individual stories are not nearly as interesting as the emphasis on "the team" and how the "the team" pulls together to accomplish their goals in the face of all the pressure and adversity.

If you are a fan of sports movies I highly recommend that you check this movie out. You will find yourself completely engrossed from beginning to end. But would it have killed them to throw in a whipped cream bikini?

Counting Sheep

Last night I was having trouble getting to sleep, so out of desperation I closed my eyes and tried "counting sheep." I don't think I've ever tried this technique before in my life...and now I know why. My first problem...why sheep? Why not count dogs or alligators...or Supermodels? Yeah, I could get used to that, there goes Claudia Schiffer (that's 1) there goes Gisele (that's 2), there goes Adriana Lima (that's 3)...etc...etc.

Anyway, back to this whole sheep thing. When I think about counting sheep, I think about all the cartoons I've seen over the years that have the characters "counting sheep" as they try to fall asleep. In cartoons, the sheep are always hopping over a fence as they are being counted. Is this a common activity for sheep? Where are these sheep going? When someone is behaving sheepishly are they jumping back and forth over fences?

As I was trying to fall asleep I found myself getting increasingly stressed out by all these sheep jumping the fence. I could not just simply lay there and count them as they escaped. I kept wanting to stop counting and find someone to go get all the sheep back. But maybe I'm just weird that way. Not to mention that for the life of me I couldn't visualize a real sheep...all I could see in my head was cartoon sheep. In fact, at one point I was visualizing a giant cartoon rooster laying in the grass counting cartoon sheep as he tried to fall asleep.

Needless to say, I gave up on counting sheep and turned on the TV instead. So my advice is that unless you are a shepherd, don't try counting sheep to fall asleep...it doesn't work. Although, if you are a shepherd, don't do it either because it is your job to count sheep when you are awake and I can't condone sleeping on the job.

Hold Your Applause

I went to the movies the other day (big surprise) and I saw Friday Night Lights. The review will be posted soon, but I have another issue to discuss first. For the 2nd time in about a month and a half, people were clapping and cheering during a movie. This practice has always annoyed and bewildered me. Who are they clapping for? Who do they think is going to hear them clapping? (besides the annoyed people sitting nearby). Unless we are at a test screening of a movie and the director, producer and stars of the movie are sitting in the back of the theater...there really isn't a need to clap. I have yet to attend a sports movie that had its outcome affected by the amount of cheering coming from the 17th row of the balcony. I mean, do these people think they are watching a live show? A play with REALLY cool special effects?

I am glad that these people are so affected by the movie they are viewing (actually...no I'm not...that is why I am posting this), but please keep it inside. There is no purpose for your applause except to express your own joy at what you are watching. So when I hear you clap, what I'm hearing you say is "I am so happy, I like to smile, I am so happy, I think he's going to score a touchdown, I am so happy." And that crap just makes me sick... so please people...get a grip.

On a side note, I think this clapping problem can easily be addressed by theater owners. Simply hook "The Clapper" (clap on, clap off) up to the movie projector. Whenever some jackass starts clapping during the movie, the projector will automatically turn off. This will inevitably start a riot which will result in the beating of Mr. Cheer in the 17th row. Problem solved.

Ladder 49 (Movie Review)

I was hesitant to see this movie for two reasons: 1)Even though I enjoyed Backdraft, I wasn't really interested in seeing Backdraft Part II 2) John Travolta sometimes makes movies that really, really suck. But I am happy to say that Ladder 49 was quite a good movie. The film stars Joaquin Phoenix as firefighter Jack Morrison. In the opening scene of the movie he becomes trapped in a burning building. As he waits to be rescued, he flashes back over his career and life as a Baltimore firefighter. We see Jack during his first days on the job as a single, nervous rookie that is almost reckless in his attempt to prove himself. As we follow his development as a firefighter, we see him change and mature as he becomes a father and husband...and he wonders whether his job is worth the risk of loss to his family. He realizes that it's not just about him anymore. The constant battle throughout the film is loyalty and responsibility to his "brothers" versus the loyalty and responsibility to his wife and kids.

The special effects are awesome but what really makes the movie shine is the relationship between all of the firemen at the station. We get to see how close they become to each other...out of necessity for their safety, but mainly because they form a bond of trust, earned as they risk their lives side by side. In the truest sense of the word, they are a family.

Travolta gives a quality performance as Captain Mike Kennedy. He doesn't overact like he seems to do in so many of his other movies. Phoenix gets more and more likeable with every role. He used to bother me, but now I actually look forward to seeing movies with him in it. Ladder 49 is a good film that will keep you engrossed the entire 2 hours. I recommend that you go see it.

Shaun of the Dead (Movie Review)

Like several of my friends, I was very skeptical of this movie. In fact, I had absolutely no plans of going to see it. Man am I glad that I changed my mind. It is one of the funniest movies I have seen this year.

This movie is quite obviously a spoof of zombie films, Dawn of the Dead in particular. The story revolves around Shaun, a regular, boring kind of guy who spends most of his time playing video games, hanging out with his friend Ed, drinking beer at a pub called "The Winchester" and disappointing his girlfriend Liz. One day, people all of a sudden begin to turn into zombies. However, Shaun and Ed are too busy getting drunk at "The Winchester" to notice. Even the next morning, Shaun walks his normal route to the conveience store and is totally oblivious to what is happening around him. When Shaun and Ed finally notice their first zombie (in the backyard) they are convinced that the girl is just really drunk...until she tries to rip Shaun's throat out. How does Ed respond to such a brutal attempt on his friend's life? Well, he runs inside to get a camera to take a picture of the entire event. This is just an example of the type of hijinks that occur throughout the movie.

After realizing that the world is under attack by zombies, Shaun and Ed develop a plan to save Shaun's mom and girlfriend...and the adventure begins. At some point, Shaun and Ed decide that the safest place for them to hide is at "The Winchester," because nothing takes the sting off a zombie invasion quite like an ice cold pint of beer...and peanuts. Shaun and the gang find a variety of ways to avoid their enemies, including a hilarious scene in which they act like zombies to fit in and escape.

Shaun of the Dead is a comedy with plenty of horror mixed in for the ride. The gore is kind of cartoonish but it works. If you like zombie movies or just horror movies in general, I highly recommend that you check this movie out...I've already seen it twice.

Turtle On The Run

I own two turtles, Luigi and Smalls. For the past couple of years they have been living in a typical 20 gallon aquarium. During their time in the tank Luigi has made several daring attempts to escape. And when I say daring...I mean stupid. You see turtles are not too bright. All of these attempted escapes consisted of Luigi pulling himself over the wall of the tank...only to fall 4 feet to the ground. Then I would spend 15 minutes looking for him, only to find him cowering in his shell under the turtle stand. Not exactly a great escape plan. If I were Smalls, I would be pissed that Luigi keeps leaving me behind but I would really enjoy making fun of him when he inevitably gets returned to the tank.

So anyway, they have gotten way too big for their 20 gallon tank, so this summer I installed a pond for them in my backyard. Knowing Luigi's history I tried to make it the turtle version of Alcatraz. And as usually happens in prison breaks everything was going fine until the guards (me) made a crucial error. The pond water was a little low so I turned on the hose and started adding water while I ate my breakfast. Then I went to work...forgetting to turn off the hose. I can just visualize Luigi's eyes lighting up at this turn of events.

I didn't even realize that I had left the hose on until one of my housemates called around 4:00pm. By this time the hose had been running for about 7 hours. The reason my friend was calling was to tell me that one of my turtles, Luigi of course, was currently chillin' in my backyard swimming pool! I mean this had to be the most excited turtle in the world. All his years of planning escapes had finally paid off. Rest assured he was returned to his pond, but I'm sure I will never be able to keep him in there. He knows there is a much bigger "pond" only 10 feet away. But I will get my revenge. At some point he will escape only to find that his mystical turtle tank now has a pool cover on it...and I will get the last laugh.

The Forgotten (Movie Review)

I really hate to waste any more time on this movie than I already have...but I have a duty to report what I have seen, so that you will not lose 1 hour and 31 minutes out of your lives by going to see "The Forgotten."

Julianne Moore plays Telly, a mom whose child died a year ago in a plane crash. Over a period of days (or weeks...but who cares), strange things begin to happen (oooooooooh). All of a sudden her kid's body disappears from a family picture, his toys begin to vanish and her husband (Anthony Edwards from ER proves he is not dead) and friends "forget" that the child ever existed. Telly's psychiatrist, played by Gary Sinise, tells her that she's had a breakthrough...she dreamed up the whole having a child thing...and now she is on the road to recovery. Well, our heroine Telly does not believe this for one second, so she sets off to find the truth. Along the way she finds a former hockey player who has forgotten that his daughter ever existed. She reminds him that he used to have a child and together they set off to solve this mystery.

Are you confused yet? Yeah, me too.

Are you bored yet? Yeah, well try sitting in the movie theater while all this crap is going on!

Anyway, a whole bunch of other weird stuff happens (I'll spare you the details). But my tip for the day is, "if you do not like stories involving aliens, do not go see this movie." My 2nd tip of the day is, "if you love stories involving aliens, do not go see this movie."

Bottom line, I wish I could forget that I saw this movie. I wish that I could have that 1 hour & 31 minutes of my life back. I wish Anthony Edwards had never left ER. I wish Goose hadn't died in Top Gun. I wish that Nicole Kidman and Renee Zellweger would stop making movies. I wish that Lynnhaven AMC would start carrying peanut butter M & M's again.

But I digress, every single episode of X-Files that was ever made is 1000 times better than this movie. Save yourself, your time and your money...do not go see it.