Emergency Broadcast Sys...Huh?

The other day I was riding in the car when suddenly the radio started blaring the familiar, loud horns and whistles of the Emergency Broadcast System (EBS). I figured, “great, how many times a day do they have to do this test.” But much to my surprise it was not a test! It was an actual emergency! I do not mean to make light of this entire situation but this was a very exciting time for me…all these years of loud, annoying tests, and now…FINALLY, the big payoff. I finally get to hear the Emergency Broadcast System operate in all of its glory. “Save me Emergency Broadcast System! Save me!”

Yeah, right.

Let me tell you something folks…we are in real trouble. The EBS notification was actually an “Amber Alert”, which basically means a child has been kidnapped and that everyone needs to be on the lookout for the car containing the child. I felt very bad for the kid, because there was NO way that any person hearing the EBS alert could possibly understand what was going on. The message that played after all the loud horns and whistles was the most unclear, unintelligible, garbled bunch of crap you’ve ever heard…and by the way…someone’s life depended on this broadcast. The message was a computerized voice supplying information about the car and girl…I think. I had to hear it three times just to comprehend that the vehicle was from 1995 and green.

The computer sounded like it was probably one of the first five ever manufactured…I mean this thing was rockin’ it 70s style. It also sounded like it was broadcasting from the bottom of a well…low volume with LOTS of static. I mean is this really the best we can do? What if there was a major emergency where hundreds of thousands of people needed to be evacuated? No one would have any idea of what to do.

I can call FedEx 24 hours a day and place a shipping order with an automated system that sounds just like you are speaking to a real, live person…yet, the Emergency Broadcast System…which is designed to save lives by delivering important information to the public, can’t even get an intelligible message across. And by the way…why not just have a real, live human being make the recording and then broadcast it? Or better yet…just tell a couple of people and tell them to “pass it on.” It would still reach people faster than the current Emergency Broadcast System…plus it would be a LOT quieter.