An American Fairytale: Hootie and the Burger King

Once upon a time there was a band called Hootie and the Blowfish. They had some really big “hit songs” back in the early to mid 90s. Rumor has it that they released some more albums…but I can neither confirm nor deny this story…because I never heard from them again. Well, boys and girls…one day the lead singer Darius Rucker (we shall call him Hootie) suddenly returned…dropping out of the big, blue sky.

Where did he land? Was it on MTV? Was it Live in Concert at Madison Square Garden? Was it in the studio recording his new CD? No boys and girls…Hootie has returned…in a Burger King commercial. That’s right…Hootie the rock star is now Hootie the singing cowboy. I’m not sure exactly what he’s singing about, but it sounds a little like “blah blah blah, where did my career go, blah blah blah, hey look at me I have a guitar, blah blah blah.” I mean he’s not even singing about burgers…I don't think. Anyway...I’m really bored so I’ve decided to write a Burger King song for Hootie to sing.

It is written to the tune of Hootie’s biggest hit, “Hold My Hand”. (feel free to sing along)

Hold My Whopper
Lyrics by Brian
Performed by Hootie and the Blowfish Sandwich

With a little love, and some tenderness
We’ll flame broil this burger
We’ll put it to the test
With a little mayo and some onion too
We’ll add on some lettuce
And a tomato just for you

Cause’ I’ve got a Whopper for you
Cause’ I wanna eat with you

Yesterday, I saw you standing there
Watching me flip the burgers
Way up in the air
I said hello, do you want that King sized
Cause’ I’ve got some fries
And soda set aside

Cause’ I’ve got a Whopper for you
I’ve got a Whopper for you
Cause’ I wanna eat with you
Won’t you let me eat with you
Yeah Hold my Whopper
Want you to hold my Whopper
Hold my Whopper

I’ll take you to a place where you can
Have It Your Way
Each and every day
Because I wanna make you the best burger
The best burger that I can